TRSLOTIUCCOT
by Amaya of the dark night rain
Summary: Okay so this story is really called The real secret lives of the Inuyasha cast caught on tape. It is mainly character bashing and just plain fun. Read and review thanks!
1. Tapes 14

A/n Hello! Heh this is just a fanfic that I wanted to write. I hope you all like it anyways I guess the main purpose for this fic is bashing Inuyasha, although I love the show I just like to make fun of things. I did the same thing to Yu-gi-oh too. Anyways on with the story enjoy!

Tapes 1-4 

A girl with long jet-black hair wanders out onto a stage and looks at the audience.

Girl: Hmm I guess it's time to start the show. Ahem Kia!

Another girl comes out onto the stage.

Girl: Ahh there you are Kia, it's time to start the show.

Kia: Well then start it already damnit.

Girl: Right. Anyways welcome to our show: The real secret lives of the Inu-yasha cast caught on tape or TRSLOTIYCCOT for short. My names Rain and this is my co-host Kia. (Points to Kia)

(Kia waves to everyone.)

Rain: Anyways the basic point to our show is to secretly tape the cast of Inu-yasha to see what they all do in their spare time! YAY

Kia: Yep Rain and I will be going out and video taping them all for your viewing pleasure! Also we will always be able to communicate with these (Holds up hands free walkie talkies) Yep these are the latest in walkie talkie technology!

Rain: Well lets not keep these good people waiting! On today's show we will be videotaping: Kagome, Shippo, Kikiyo, and everyone's favorite perverted monk Miroku! Kia if you will.

Kia: ME? But it's your turn!

Rain: (glares at Kia) GO NOW OR ELSE!

Kia: Yessa Masser. (Kia puts on recording gear and leaves)

Rain: (smiles sweetly at the audience) Now while Kia is out videotaping your favorite Inuyahsa characters I will show our very first Top-secret video!

Audience: YAY!

(Puts in top secret video and presses play)

TOP SECRET VIDEO #1: Inuyasha's ramen fetish. 

(Inuyahsa enters Kagome's bedroom and makes sure no one is in there. When he sees the room is empty he goes and sits at her computer. He messes around with it until he gets it to turn on.)

Inuyahsa: Finally! I wish we had these thingy-ma-jigs in the federal era.

(Inuyahsa looks down at the keyboard and types in "Raman" About 1000 sites come up and he clicks on the first one His eyes widen as the site comes onto the screen. )

Inuyahsa: Credit Card required! (Looks at the computer in amazement)

Inuyahsa: What the heck is a credit card? Damnit where is my RAMEN!

(Kagome comes running into her room and sees Inuyahsa on the computer.)

Kagome: Inuyahsa! What have I told you about being in my room without me!

(Kagome runs to the computer and sees the site he was on)

Kagome: What the heck is this? You're sick! Ramen porno!

Inuyahsa: I just wanted some Ramen!

Kagome: You need serious help!

(Kagome turns of the computer and gets out the yellow pages)

Kagome: Ramen support group…ahh here's one.

Inuyahsa gets a look of confusion on his face.

Inuyasha: Damn woman I don't need any help!

Kagome: That's it SIT!

(Inuyahsa goes face first into the floor and eats carpet. He mutters curses under his breath as Kagome walks away)

Tape ends 

Rain: (looks at the tape oddly) Okay that was just a little odd…anyways umm, lets see…

Kia: Hey I'm ready!

Rain: Ahh good, we need some relief from that last tape…

Kia: (giggles) The ramen one?

Rain: Yea…

Kia: I thought it was funny!

Rain: Well umm okay it made my stomach turn I mean come on Ramen Porn? How weird is that? Anyways roll tape.

Tape 1: Kagome's Inuyasha fetish…

Kia: Okay right now I am in Kagome's room, I am hiding behind some of her cloths in her closet. Oh I just heard a door open lets watch. (Slips a mirror under the door and videotapes the reflection)

(Kagome walks into her room, flips on the light, and locks her door She pulls off her jacket and lies down on her bed.)

Kagome: Ahh it is good to be home, and now I must add my newest addition to my collection.

(She gets up and walks over to the closet.)

Kia: Oh crap must hide! (Hides quickly)

(She pulls the door open to reveal a shrine full of Inuyasha's things. She pulls a bag out of her pocket and inside is a piece of Inuyasha's hair. She walks into the closet and lights a candle.)

Kagome: (smiles) Ahh the fresh sent of Inuyasha!

Kia:

(She sits down and pulls the door closed on her. Setting the hair down on a makeshift alter she lights yet another candle, and pulls a book entitled _Spells of love _out and flips to a certain page)

Kagome: How to make a man love you…lets see I need a lock of hair, got it. Umm a drop of his blood. Got it! (Holds up a tiny glass bottle with some blood in it.) and lets see I need a personal item of his. (Rummages around until she finds a piece of his robes.) Perfect now I can do the spell!

(Kagome pulls a crystal bowl out of nowhere and begins to mix the three ingredients together.)

Kagome: (reading the book) next add some of your own blood (Cuts her hand and drips her blood into the bowl) then mix in some sage and liquid lavender… (puts in the last two ingredients and stirs.) Pour into a bottle and have the man you wish to love you drink it…(pours the ingredients into a water bottle and places it back into her bag. She stands and goes back to her bed.)

(She lays down and the pulls an Inuyahsa plushy out from under her pillow.)

Kagome: Soon my darling! YOU WILL BE MINE! (Starts making out with the Inuyahsa plushy.)

Kagome's MOM (from downstairs): Kagome Hojo is here for you!

Kagome: coming mom!

Tape ends 

Rain: wow what a freak!

Kia: Umm that was scary…

Rain: (Sweatdrop) Uhh can we move onto something that doesn't scare me?

Kia: (starts laughing) it was funny.

Rain: Poor Inu though!

Kia: (Laughs even harder) I think he had it coming!

Rain: ' riiiight! Anyways moving on the next thing on our list which looks like another top-secret video!

Audience: (applauds) YAY!

(Puts the tape in and presses play)

Top secret video 2: Fluffy gender Identity crisis: Session One 

(Sesshoumaru is seen sitting in an office, a woman enters and looks in Sesshoumaru's direction)

Woman: Hello, I am Dr. Shizuko I will be your therapist for the next few weeks.

(Sesshoumaru nods and looks at the woman. She sits in a chair behind a big desk)

Dr. S: So can you tell me why you are here umm (looks down at a clipboard) Sesshoumaru?

Sesshomaru: Well I have this problem…

Dr. S: Please go on…(writes something on a piece of paper)

Sesshomaru: Umm, well it's just that…

Dr. S: everything you say here is confidential no one else will know what is said in this office I promise. (Looks at Sesshomaru with a reassuring look. Sesshomaru nods.)

Sesshomaru: Well it's just I umm…(Pauses) Everyone thinks I'm a girl! (Sniffles)

Dr. S: (suppresses a laugh) You mean to tell me your not?

Sesshomaru: (Looks at her and begins to cry) You're so mean! (Gets up and runs out of the room)

Tape ends 

Rain: that was great! (Laughs)

Kia: Rain come in Rain!

Rain: Yeah whaddya want Kia?

Kia: I'm ready to tape Shippo!

Rain: That's a big ten four Kia!

Kia: ' okay anyways lets get this going!

Rain: (Laughing still) Man he goes to therapy!

Kia: RAIN!

Rain: Sorry, sorry. (Presses play and shows the footage)

Tape 2: Shippo and his…umm addiction

Kia: I am yet again hiding in the house of our next victim umm I mean star! Oh here he comes lets laugh at him! I mean watch!

(Shippo enters with a large trench coat, dark sunglasses, and a mob hat on. He looks around suspiciously and then sighs heavily. He puts his hand in his coat and pulls out a brown paper bag and puts it on a table)

Kia: I wonder…

Rain: Shh he will hear you!

Shippo: Glad no one is here.

(He begins to take the jacket and the other things off until he is in his regular garb. He grabs the bag, looks around again and then hugs it to his chest. He sniffs the bag and his eyes go wild)

Shippo: Man I can't believe I waited this long for a fix!

Kia and Rain: A fix?

(He reaches into the bag and pulls out another little bag with the words CAT NIP written on them. Shippo tears it open and dumps some into his hand. He sniffs it and then begins to lick it of his hands. He pours the rest on the ground and starts to roll around in it.)

TAPE ENDS

Rain: okay that was odd, I thought he was a fox demon not a cat…

Kia: Well a fox is in the cat family…

Rain: oh well whatever floats his boat.

Kia: Sure, anyways I guess I am on my way to Kikiyo's house.

Rain: And while you make your way there I will stay here and entertain our friends. Yes that's right its time for another TOP SECRET VIDEO!

Audience: Woo Hoo!

(Some one shouts I LOVE YOU!)

Rain: ' uhh yeah that's nice. Now for the video!

TOP SECRET VIDEO # 3: Kouga's dirty little secret

(Cheesy music is heard in the background. Kouga comes running out into the living room wearing spandex pants and a black leather shirt. He begins to sing horribly, _Bye Bye Bye _by N'sync )

Kouga: it ain't no lie baby Bye Bye Bye!

(Kouga attempts to dance. He finishes his song and takes a bow. He presses a button on a tape player and pre-recorded applause could be heard.)

Kouga: Thank you! I love you all!

(He bows again and begins to walk back down the hall.)

5 minutes pass

(Kouga enters the room again this time he dons a blond wig and a schoolgirl out fit)

Kouga: Okay this song is for all my fans out there! Thanks so much for commin to see me tonight! (He says this in a fake girl voice)

(Kouga runs to the tape player and the song _hit me baby one more time_ comes on. He starts to sing like a girl, he still sounds horrible.)

Kouga: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

(The song ends and again Kouga takes a bow. His blond wig falls off and blushing he picks it up and puts it back into place. He runs off down the hall but falls and trips. His skirt flies up to reveal frilly pink panties. He gets up and runs off down the hall and back into his room)

Tape ends

Rain: my ears are bleeding… but on a lighter note, Kouga wears women's underwear!

Kia: Ha ha! Kouga is a cross dresser!

Rain: Are you there yet?

Kia: (Laughs harder) well I'm ready.

Rain: Good lets get this over with then.

Kia: What's got you in such a bad mood.

Rain: The next person we're videotaping

Kia: Ahh you still got that thing aginst her?

Rain: (Nods) Anyways on with the tape

(Tape starts)

Tape # 3 Kikiyo and…Barney?

Kia: I am currently in the subjects living room hiding underneath the coffee table. Ahh here comes our clay corpse friend now!

(Kikiyo enters the room wearing a yellow barney t-shirt. She has a Barney doll in her hand. She sits in front of the TV and sits patiently until Barney comes on.)

Kia: Oh god not Barney! Rain I cannot do this not Barney! (she whispers into the walkie talkie.)

Rain: Be strong Kia I believe in you! (laughs)

Kia: Some friend you are!

Kikiyo: YAY! BARNEY!

(The them song comes on and Kikiyo sways to the music. The show goes on and Kikiyo begins to suck her thumb.)

TV: Bobby don't go over there Barney said it was off limits!

Kikiyo: No Bobby don't! NO BOBBY!

(Kikiyo starts to cry as Bobby gets hurt. He learns his lesson and they start to sing the "I LOVE YOU" song Kikiyo sings along.)

Tape ends

Kia: Man that was horrible! I can't believe I sat through that!

Rain: (On the floor laughing) I can't believe she watches Barney. Man, can we say Blackmail?

Kia: Okay, while you continue to laugh I'll make my way to Miroku's house.

Rain: (Still laughing) You do that and while you are working your way over to the perverts house I will show our audience a special Top secret video

Audience: Ooooo A special one?

Rain: That's right a special top-secret video!

Audience: YAY!

(Rain puts the tape in and presses the play button)

TOP SECRET VIDEO #4: Kia…sleep talking

(Video starts and shows Kia sleeping.)

Rain: This is so great, Kia will kill me if she sees this…

Kia: No! Sesshoumaru don't leave me!

Rain: (laughing.)

Kia: I love you!

Rain: (Laughs harder)

Kia: What do you mean you're a woman?

Rain:

Kia: Sesshoumaru! How come you never told me you we're a girl, I thought I loved you but now…now I just don't know.

(Kia snores loudly)

Kia: Mmmm ZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzz

Rain: I wonder what she'll give me for this?

Tape ends

Kia: RAIN! Why'd you show that tape I thought we had a deal?

Rain: Yeah, well I just couldn't resist

Kia: (Muttering under her breath) Don't worry Rainy I'll get you back someday

Rain: What?

Kia: nothing, I said I was at Miroku's house.

Rain: Umm okay…lets roll that tape then!

(Tape starts)

Tape #4 Miroku…gay?

Kia: Okay I am now hiding out in Miroku's bedroom. I am currently under his bed. Oh here he comes lets watch!

(Miroku enters with a pile of paper in his hands and a few pictures.)

Miroku: I wish I could tell her how I feel…(sighs)

Kia: Oooo Miroku's in love

Rain: when is he not?

(Miroku walks to his desk and sits. He pulls out a pen and begins to write a letter.)

Miroku: Dearest…no To my Darling…no…To my one and only love Yes!

(He writes the letter out and goes downstairs to where Inuyahsa and Kagome are fighting over who ate the last of the Ramen. Of course Kia follows…)

Inuyasha: I didn't eat it wench!

Kagome: Sure Inuyahsa, sure!

(Inuyasha turns to see Miroku enter the room with an envelope in hand)

Inuyahsa: What's that?

Miroku: A letter to a beautiful girl

Inuyasha: ' will you ever give up?

Miroku: Well I just think that she is the one you know?

Kagome: that's so sweet. What's her name?

Miroku: Sesshoumaru…

(Kagome and Inuyahsa look at each other and start to crack up)

Kia: Damnit Sesshoumaru is mine I saw him first.

Rain: Miroku is in love with a guy!

Kia: Shhh their saying something.

Miroku: What?

Kagome: Sesshoumaru is (laughs) a (laughs) a guy!

Miroku: Sesshoumaru is a guy?

Inuyahsa: (cracking up) Sesshoumaru is my brother! To be a brother you have to be a guy dumbass!

Miroku: I'm in love with a man? (Looks disgusted and humiliated at the same time)

(Kagome and Inuyasha begin to dance around in circles chanting "Miroku is gay! Miroku is gay!)

Tape ends

Rain: OMG! (laughing) That is priceless.

Audience member: Umm Miss Rain!

Rain: (looks at audience member) What?

AM: Uhh what happens when the cast sees these tapes?

Rain: Well that's the great part! Uhh I don't know…

(Kia walks onto set and stands next to Rain)

Kia: We run away and go into hiding…

Rain: Yeah what she said.

AM: Oh okay (Sits back down)

Kia: Well that's all we have for today's show!

Rain: Join us next time for tapes 5-8.

Kia: and now, enjoy this commercial!

(Fades out and goes to the commercial brake.)

A/n:

Rain: Hey all I hope you liked our first show! Please send us your reviews!

Kia: Yeah or else we won't have anymore episodes!

Rain: Thanks for watching!


	2. Commercial Brake number 1: Inuyasha bran...

Commercial Brake # 1 Inuyasha Brand Dog Food 

(Inuyahsa comes out onto the screen and looks back at him like he is unsure of what to do.)

Director Guy: You're on Inuyasha.

(Inuyasha nods.)

DG: Say the lines Inuyahsa.

Inuyahsa: I can't believe I'm doing this…

(Inuyahsa picks up a bag of what looks like dog food)

Inuyasha: Hi I'm Inuyahsa and I am here to tell you about a brand new product for your loveable dog…

DG: Please put more enthusiasm into it!

Inuyahsa: Tell me why I'm doing this again?

DG: Ramen.

(Inuyasha's eyes light up)

Inuyahsa: Yes that's right this is Inuyasha brand dog food. It has a rich meaty taste to pump your dong up and get him ready to defend you from any raging demon!

(Opens the bag and takes a handful)

Inuyahsa: just one cup a day will make your loveable pooch into something much more!

(Screen flashes a before and after picture: Before: a picture of a poodle After: Shows a picture of Inuyasha. Screen goes back to Inuyasha.)

Inuyahsa: So pick up a bag of Inuyahsa brand dog food today!

DG: Now you take a bite.

Inuyahsa: You mean I have to eat this stuff?

(Director guy nods)

DG: Ramen!

(Inuyahsa puts a handful of dog food in his mouth and eats it.)

Inuyahsa: hey this stuff ain't half bad! (continues to eat the dog food)

The commercial brake ends and goes back to TRSLOTIYCCOT!


End file.
